Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
