I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Randomize
