Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
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