she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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