I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
