I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
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If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
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This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America