Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'