I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
10+ Incredible Tumblr Stories That Will Leave You Shook
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
16 People Who Have Raised The Bar For Petty Revenge
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?