So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize