lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
