I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
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