its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I need to sanitize my soul.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Randomize
