last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Hippo gnu deer
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
