his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
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