i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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