I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
