Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
