I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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