3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I cannot find my penis.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
