Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
