The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
