I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
