Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
