wat bout pragnant strippers??
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
