piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Randomize
