The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
