when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
