i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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