I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
