I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
