Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
