Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Semen is not good for contacts.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Randomize
