Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
