You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Randomize
