I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
