Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
