I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
