Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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