I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
