So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
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