I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
