HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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