First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
