Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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