Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Life is so much better after having sex.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
