I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
