Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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