I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
