I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Sacagawea was the original milf.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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