Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
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