my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
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