Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
