i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Randomize
