So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
