She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Randomize
