So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
