I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
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