I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
