I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
