I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
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