Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
