he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
