I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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