speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
