I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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