So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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